I lost my dad a few years back. In the months before he died, we had more honest conversations than we’d had in years. One thing struck me: he had regrets, but they weren’t about the big dramatic things. They were about habits he’d let calcify over decades. Stubbornness that cost him friendships. Pride that kept him from asking for help when he needed it.
It made me think about the person I want to be at seventy. Not just healthy or comfortable, but actually thriving. Someone who’s shed the behaviors that don’t serve anymore.
Research backs this up. According to research from UC Irvine, older adults who maintain psychological flexibility and adapt their behaviors tend to experience greater life satisfaction and emotional wellbeing in their later years.
The truth is, our seventies can genuinely be some of our best years. But it requires letting go of certain patterns now. Here’s what psychology says needs to go.
1) Avoiding new experiences
When my dad retired from the factory, he basically stopped trying new things. Same routine, same people, same conversations. I watched him shrink into a smaller and smaller world.
The research is clear on this. Harvard Health research found that learning new skills and seeking novel experiences helps maintain cognitive function as we age. It’s not about becoming someone you’re not. It’s about staying curious.
I started learning piano in my forties specifically because I’m terrible at it. Being bad at something keeps you humble, but it also keeps your brain working in new ways.
By the time you hit seventy, if you’ve spent decades avoiding anything unfamiliar, you’ve trained yourself to be rigid. That rigidity doesn’t just affect your mind. It affects your relationships, your ability to adapt, your joy.
What would it look like to try one small new thing this month?
2) Holding onto grudges
I’ve lost friendships over politics in recent years. Some of those losses were necessary because certain lines got crossed. But others? I wonder if I held on too tightly to being right.
Carrying resentment is exhausting. According to Mayo Clinic research, letting go of grudges can lead to healthier relationships, improved mental health, less anxiety and stress, and even better heart health.
Think about the energy it takes to maintain anger toward someone. All that mental space occupied by old arguments, perceived slights, things that happened years ago.
Your seventies should be lighter than that. The people who thrive in later life have figured out how to put things down. Not because they’re pushovers, but because they’ve learned what’s actually worth carrying.
3) Neglecting physical health
I didn’t start taking fitness seriously until my mid-thirties when I noticed years of sitting and stress were catching up with me. Then I had a health scare at forty that turned out to be nothing, but it made me look at how I was living.
Here’s the thing about ignoring your body: it catches up with you. And by seventy, if you haven’t built habits around movement and basic care, you’re starting from a much harder place.
Research published by the National Institute on Aging shows that regular physical activity helps older adults maintain independence, prevent chronic diseases, and improve mental health. It’s not complicated. Walking, stretching, some basic strength work. Consistency matters more than intensity.
I work out regularly now, gym and running along the Thames. I treat it as necessary, not optional. My brain works better when I’m tired from exercise rather than tired from sitting and overthinking.
The best time to start was twenty years ago. The second best time is now.
4) Isolating yourself socially
After my divorce, I noticed I’d let friendships slide. I’d been so focused on work and my marriage that I’d stopped putting effort into other relationships. I had to rebuild, and it was harder in my late thirties than it would have been earlier.
Male friendships especially take more effort than I gave them for years. I joined a five-a-side football group partly for exercise and partly because I needed mates who didn’t want to talk about work or the news all the time.
The data on this is stark. According to research from the CDC, social isolation and loneliness in older adults are serious public health risks, linked to higher rates of depression, anxiety, heart disease, and even premature death.
By seventy, if you haven’t maintained friendships or built new ones, you’re facing those years alone. And humans aren’t built for that.
It takes intentionality. Regular contact. Showing up even when it’s inconvenient. These things don’t happen automatically.
5) Resisting change
My mother worked in retail for decades. When stores started changing how they operated, adding new technology and systems, she had a choice. Some of her coworkers dug in their heels and complained constantly. She learned the new systems.
The difference wasn’t just about keeping her job. It was about her sense of capability. She stayed someone who could adapt rather than someone the world was leaving behind.
I’ve noticed this in myself too. There are moments when I want to dismiss something new because it’s unfamiliar. But rigidity is a choice, and it’s one that makes life harder.
Psychology research shows that cognitive flexibility declines with age, but it doesn’t have to. People who practice adapting to change maintain that flexibility longer. The seventysomethings who are thriving aren’t the ones who’ve kept everything the same. They’re the ones who’ve learned to roll with it.
6) Living in the past
I know people who are constantly talking about “the good old days.” Their best stories are decades old. They measure everything against how things used to be.
There’s a difference between appreciating your history and being trapped by it. One enriches your present. The other robs you of it.
According to psychological research on nostalgia and aging, while some reflection on the past is healthy, excessive rumination on previous eras can prevent people from engaging fully with their current lives and relationships.
I think about my grandparents who lived through the war. They had stories, sure, but they were present for what was happening now. They didn’t treat their youth as the peak of existence.
If you want your seventies to be vital, you can’t spend them wishing you were forty again. You have to be interested in what’s actually in front of you.
7) Refusing to ask for help
Pride kept my dad from asking for support when he needed it. He’d been the provider, the strong one, the person who fixed things. Admitting he needed help felt like failure to him.
I watched that stubbornness cost him. Not just practically, but in terms of connection. People wanted to help. He wouldn’t let them.
Research from gerontology studies shows that older adults who maintain independence while also accepting appropriate help have better health outcomes and quality of life than those who either become overly dependent or refuse all assistance.
There’s wisdom in knowing when to lean on others. It doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.
I had to learn this running my own business. Doing everything yourself isn’t strength. It’s often fear dressed up as capability.
8) Staying stuck in unhealthy relationships
Some relationships have an expiration date. Not because anyone’s a villain, but because people change or the dynamic stops working.
I stayed in my marriage longer than I should have because leaving felt like giving up. When we finally divorced in my late thirties, it was amicable. We’d both realized we’d become different people. But I wish I’d been honest about it sooner.
By seventy, if you’re still tolerating relationships that drain you or bring out your worst qualities, you’re wasting precious time. Psychology research consistently shows that the quality of our relationships is one of the strongest predictors of wellbeing in later life.
This doesn’t mean abandoning people at the first sign of difficulty. It means being honest about which relationships are mutual and life-giving, and which ones you’re maintaining out of obligation or habit.
Life’s too short to spend your best years with people who make you feel small.
9) Neglecting mental stimulation
I read a lot. Mostly nonfiction, history, politics, psychology. Usually have a few books going at once. It’s not because I’m particularly intellectual. It’s because my brain needs feeding the same way my body does.
The research on cognitive decline is clear. According to the Alzheimer’s Association, people who engage in mentally stimulating activities throughout their lives have a lower risk of cognitive decline and dementia.
This doesn’t mean you need to solve advanced mathematics. It means staying curious. Reading things that challenge your thinking. Having conversations that make you reconsider assumptions. Learning something new.
I’ve watched people mentally check out in their fifties and sixties. By seventy, they’re shadows of who they were. Not because of disease necessarily, but because they stopped feeding their minds decades earlier.
Your brain is like any other part of you. Use it or lose it.
10) Ignoring your purpose
After I burned out on client work, I had to figure out what I actually cared about. Turned out what I enjoyed was the thinking and writing, not the deliverables and invoices.
That shift took courage because it meant letting go of what looked successful from the outside to pursue what felt meaningful on the inside.
Research on aging and purpose shows that people with a strong sense of purpose in later life have better cognitive function, lower rates of disability, and even longer lifespans. Purpose doesn’t have to be grandiose. It just has to matter to you.
I think about what I want my seventies to look like. I don’t picture myself coasting on past accomplishments or killing time. I picture myself still engaged with ideas, still curious, still contributing something.
That doesn’t happen by accident. It happens because you spend your forties, fifties, and sixties building toward it.
Final thoughts
Your seventies can genuinely be some of your richest years. But they won’t be if you carry the same patterns that limited you in your thirties and forties.
The behaviors we’re talking about here aren’t just about aging well. They’re about living well at any age. The difference is that by seventy, you’ve run out of time to figure it out later.
My dad’s regrets taught me something valuable. The person you are at seventy is built by the choices you make now. Every grudge you release, every new experience you try, every honest conversation you have is an investment in those future years.
So what needs to go? What behavior on this list have you been carrying that doesn’t serve you anymore?
The best years of your life don’t just happen. You build them, one choice at a time.
