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I grew up in the 1990s and the thing nobody warned me about is that the resilience my generation was praised for was just the absence of anyone asking how we were — and the adults who admire us now for being "low maintenance" don't realize they're describing the exact training that made it almost impossible for us to ask for help in our thirties.

By the mid-1990s, somewhere between half and two-thirds of American kids in elementary and middle school were spending part of their afternoons unsupervised, depending on which study you trusted and what exactly you counted as supervision.

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I'm 38 and I realized last weekend that my dad has started walking me to my car when I leave his house — something he never used to do — and the walk is always five seconds longer than it needs to be, with one extra small comment, one extra small wave, and I understood on the drive home that the walk isn't a goodbye, it's a quiet request for one more minute that he doesn't know how to ask for out loud

I sat in the rental car for ten minutes at the end of my father's road last weekend, engine off, hands on the wheel, unable to make myself drive.